Damn!

So I'm reading Gilmore Girls recaps, and Lane is drunk and just called her mom and confessed to ebing in love with her rocker, non-Korean boy, and bam server screw-up! Ok... fine, I'll just move on to the next episode. No. TWoP is down. *grief* I should really consider fixing my sleep schedule. We went to bed at 2 last night, but slept all day once again, even though I woke up at 10. I was just so comfy. *sigh*
I'm feeling nervous and scared about a bunch of things. I don't know what to do about any of them. I keep trying to plan my future, but the plans keep getting changed. Nothing is as simple as it should be. Is this what I thought would happen when I grew up? Hell no. I'm supposed to be getting my master's right now, and getting ready to enter a Ph.D. program. Oh, and be married. And... so I revised. But that's not even working. I just want to have a plan I can stick to. I want things to be simple. They aren't, though. I do know that Andrew is the most understanding, loving person I could be with. I really don't know why he hasn't freaked out more about the things I say or do. I guess he knows I love him, and he trusts me completely. I never thought I'd be trusted like this, not after some of the shit I've pulled. He does trust me, though. I'm not going to screw it up, either. At least, I'm going to try not to. It's pretty hard sometimes. And I remind myself that a bit of adventure and that wonderful feeling of fluttering in my stomach is not worth giving up the one for sure thing in my life. I should be writing right now, but I feel like my fiction would be too close to my reality. I want a cigarrette. I'm supposed to help John quit, but the last week has just made me really want to start up again. Things are going to get real interesting come August. I know that one for sure.